and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
