Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
