plz talk dirty to me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
