Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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