we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
