one two three fourrrrnication!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
