I wish I only lived at night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
