That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
