im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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