you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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