Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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