just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
