this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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