yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
