i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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