I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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