What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
