don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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