I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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