Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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