I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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