New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
