Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
