The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Naked. naked and bneed help.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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