Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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