I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
