Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
