I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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