one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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