The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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