Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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