In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
