There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
