toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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