Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
