I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
