I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
