We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
