Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
