So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
