white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
