Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
40s are totally the cure
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
