Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
