No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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