69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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