So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
