i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
