John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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