I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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