the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
