so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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