this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
