I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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