It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
